It saddens me in a lot of ways... that I was unable to keep up with this blog cherishing and highlighting the life of my daughter after being so diligent with recording my pregnancy and delivery. Despite anything I said anywhere or to anyone...I loved being pregnant. I was so excited to be a mother and to have this happy family. Unfortunately, as Ava came into the world I was struggling to start my own business and find my place in a world post college that was expensive and scary. So the days crept by... with me spending too many days in front of the computer and the camera, and not enough days swinging my child in circles, reading bedtime stories, or going on outdoors adventures. Today, May 1, was a strange day indeed. The ground was covered in snow like some some mystical warning of things not quite right. I took Nieva to the Dr. at 9:45am. She had been having a swollen face off and on for several weeks and dark circles under her eyes. She looked pale and tired despite her smiles and always goofy and playful demeanor. Yesterday we went into a pediatric dentist and he confirmed that a tooth abscess was certainly not to blame. I suspected allergies. So after we did a quick blood test, Nieva and I went to pick up an antibiotic for the third week in a row and I drove her to her daycare provider. About 30 minutes after getting back to the house Jordon called frantic. "Are you home?" "Yes" "Good. Stay there" "what's Wrong?" "They think Nieva has Leukemia. We need to get her to the doctor now." From there the day is the blur. We arrived at the hospital. Nieva was in good spirits. Lana, Sarah, and my mom came up as well as Jordon's mom. The doctor took Jordon and I in a private room with Nieva and said a lot of things.... but the most haunting "I need to make it clear that it is 100% certain she has leukemia". "It is malignant." "We will need to start treatment right away." Nothing in a person's life can possibly prepare them for that moment.... where you realize there is a chance you will lose your daughter forever and you may have to watch her slip away with nothing you can do." I know I can be strong though. And that is what I hope to do. I want to hold her every last minute I am able until, I pray, she gets past this and we only have to have a memory of this terrible time. Please pray for Nieva. My greatest and most precious joy in this busy unpredictable and crazy world.